Update #21 - Life’s Unpredictable Beauty and Tragedy

In 2014, when I was diagnosed, my son was in 5th grade and my ambitious goal was to live to see him graduate elementary school. Next year he is set to graduate high school (zoinks!). In the meantime, countless people…

Do you feel lucky?

Last week I discovered that some rats had claimed my backyard daybed as their personal restroom. Initially horrified, I avoided it for several days. Finally, armed with gloves, a pressure hose and a lot of bleach, I began the task…

Tales from Isolation: Day 20/Update #20

I have been isolating with my family since March 11. Today is day 20, the “Clean the vacuum HEPA filters day,” a day which I have never before reached in my 47+ years on this planet. It is also the…

Dualities: Truth & Hope (Update 19)

I’ve written about living in two worlds before. It’s a continual struggle of mine. Please indulge me as I publicly process some more, in the hope that it might help others contemplating these existential questions, too. As I’ve mentioned many…

Lung Cancer Awareness Month - Link Love

Today is the last day of Lung Cancer Awareness Month for 2019. I have neglected to blog about it this year, I think I never quite recovered from posting a memorial per day for every day in November back in…

A Light for Marisa

When one of my friends is nearing the end, I shift into a dualistic state of being. Even as I go on with my daily life, I think of that person constantly, checking in, touching base with common friends who…

The Positivity Paradox (Update #18)

  In the last few months it feels like I’ve shifted into a new phase of life with a Stage IV lung cancer diagnosis. In September, I surpassed 5 years on a medication that has a median effective time of…

Update #17 -- False Alarm!

When I was growing up, one of my very favorite movies was Grease. The last few weeks I kept thinking of the scene where Rizzo yells out to everyone at the carnival: “It was a false alarm!” She was referring…

Update #16 - Can't Have the Positive Without the Negative

Doctors have told me since the very beginning of my diagnosis that my disease is incurable and terminal. Yet, almost 5 years on my current medication has encouraged my, perhaps fanciful, belief that somehow, just maybe, I can escape what…

Mother's Day 2019 - How My Mom Balances Me

Four years ago I wrote a Letter to my Mom. I cried as I wrote it, unsure how many more opportunities I’d have to share my love and appreciation for her on Mother’s Day. I still don’t know how many…