Update #17 -- False Alarm!

Update #17 — False Alarm!

When I was growing up, one of my very favorite movies was Grease. The last few weeks I kept thinking of the scene where Rizzo yells out to everyone at the carnival: “It was a false alarm!” She was referring…

Update #16 - Can't Have the Positive Without the Negative

Update #16 – Can’t Have the Positive Without the Negative

Doctors have told me since the very beginning of my diagnosis that my disease is incurable and terminal. Yet, almost 5 years on my current medication has encouraged my, perhaps fanciful, belief that somehow, just maybe, I can escape what…

Live Every Day Like It’s Your _First_ (Update # 15)

Live Every Day Like It’s Your _First_ (Update # 15)

Last year I met with a shaman (side note: it was totes kosher because he was half-Jewish – a Sh’ma’n?). The shaman was awesome, and mostly what you probably imagine a shaman to be: wise, magical, smelling of sage. He…

If a Milestone Falls in the Forest, Does it Still Make a Sound? (Update #14)

If a Milestone Falls in the Forest, Does it Still Make a Sound? (Update #14)

Five years ago today, I checked into the hospital for an out-patient biopsy that was supposed to be NBD and woke up to the worst news of my life. In general, I don’t mark my “cancerversaries.” I prefer to reserve…

Update # 13 -- Straddling Two Worlds

Update # 13 — Straddling Two Worlds

I had a PET scan and brain MRI this past week and everything came back clear. No signs of metastases anywhere. I give credit to my anxious pre-scan nightmares, which are obviously super helpful, plus Samantha’s expert prayer skilz (to…

Update #12 -- It’s Quiet Uptown

Update #12 — It’s Quiet Uptown

I went to see Hamilton yesterday. It was kind of a fluke. I felt a bit badly when I scored seats for our family. I wanted to see the show, but not as desperately as I knew many others did…

Update #11- The Messy Middle (aka Screw the New Normal)

Update #11- The Messy Middle (aka Screw the New Normal)

I’ve come to really hate the phrase, “my new normal.” It implies that this is a situation a person can adjust to, as if one can settle in and get comfortable with living with a Stage IV lung cancer diagnosis….

Update #10: Shi(f)t Happens

Update #10: Shi(f)t Happens

I was struck by a quote that my friend Samantha posted on Facebook a few weeks ago: “You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” I’ve been building up to shifting my…

Update #9 -- It Never Ends

Update #9 — It Never Ends

So. this is a weird place to be. I just had a PET scan and it was good. I mean, not perfect. Radiologists aren’t fond of unqualified perfect reports. They’re halfway to lawyer-ville with their CYA language. So while my…

Update #8 -- "You Don't Look Like You Have Cancer"

Update #8 — “You Don’t Look Like You Have Cancer”

But, I do. ______________________________ I was so tempted to end my post there. Because sometimes it’s that simple. Cancer doesn’t always look like a person in a head scarf. Cancer often looks just like you. Cancer looks like me. I…