Update #21 – Life’s Unpredictable Beauty and Tragedy
In 2014, when I was diagnosed, my son was in 5th grade and my ambitious goal was to live to see him graduate elementary school. Next year he is set to graduate high school (zoinks!). In the meantime, countless people…
Tales from Isolation: Day 20/Update #20
I have been isolating with my family since March 11. Today is day 20, the “Clean the vacuum HEPA filters day,” a day which I have never before reached in my 47+ years on this planet. It is also the…
Dualities: Truth & Hope (Update 19)
I’ve written about living in two worlds before. It’s a continual struggle of mine. Please indulge me as I publicly process some more, in the hope that it might help others contemplating these existential questions, too. As I’ve mentioned many…
The Positivity Paradox (Update #18)
In the last few months it feels like I’ve shifted into a new phase of life with a Stage IV lung cancer diagnosis. In September, I surpassed 5 years on a medication that has a median effective time of…
Update #17 — False Alarm!
When I was growing up, one of my very favorite movies was Grease. The last few weeks I kept thinking of the scene where Rizzo yells out to everyone at the carnival: “It was a false alarm!” She was referring…
Update #16 – Can’t Have the Positive Without the Negative
Doctors have told me since the very beginning of my diagnosis that my disease is incurable and terminal. Yet, almost 5 years on my current medication has encouraged my, perhaps fanciful, belief that somehow, just maybe, I can escape what…
Live Every Day Like It’s Your _First_ (Update # 15)
Last year I met with a shaman (side note: it was totes kosher because he was half-Jewish – a Sh’ma’n?). The shaman was awesome, and mostly what you probably imagine a shaman to be: wise, magical, smelling of sage. He…
If a Milestone Falls in the Forest, Does it Still Make a Sound? (Update #14)
Five years ago today, I checked into the hospital for an out-patient biopsy that was supposed to be NBD and woke up to the worst news of my life. In general, I don’t mark my “cancerversaries.” I prefer to reserve…
The Most Romantic Gift I Ever Received
I’ve written about several people who have supported and moved me in the last four years. But, there’s been one glaring omission: my husband Eric. I’ve been paralyzed. How to begin to capture that love? It’s so big and complex…
Update # 13 — Straddling Two Worlds
I had a PET scan and brain MRI this past week and everything came back clear. No signs of metastases anywhere. I give credit to my anxious pre-scan nightmares, which are obviously super helpful, plus Samantha’s expert prayer skilz (to…
