Do you feel lucky?
Last week I discovered that some rats had claimed my backyard daybed as their personal restroom. Initially horrified, I avoided it for several days. Finally, armed with gloves, a pressure hose and a lot of bleach, I began the task…
Tales from Isolation: Day 20/Update #20
I have been isolating with my family since March 11. Today is day 20, the “Clean the vacuum HEPA filters day,” a day which I have never before reached in my 47+ years on this planet. It is also the…
Dualities: Truth & Hope (Update 19)
I’ve written about living in two worlds before. It’s a continual struggle of mine. Please indulge me as I publicly process some more, in the hope that it might help others contemplating these existential questions, too. As I’ve mentioned many…
Lung Cancer Awareness Month – Link Love
Today is the last day of Lung Cancer Awareness Month for 2019. I have neglected to blog about it this year, I think I never quite recovered from posting a memorial per day for every day in November back in…
A Light for Marisa
When one of my friends is nearing the end, I shift into a dualistic state of being. Even as I go on with my daily life, I think of that person constantly, checking in, touching base with common friends who…
The Positivity Paradox (Update #18)
In the last few months it feels like I’ve shifted into a new phase of life with a Stage IV lung cancer diagnosis. In September, I surpassed 5 years on a medication that has a median effective time of…
Update #17 — False Alarm!
When I was growing up, one of my very favorite movies was Grease. The last few weeks I kept thinking of the scene where Rizzo yells out to everyone at the carnival: “It was a false alarm!” She was referring…
Update #16 – Can’t Have the Positive Without the Negative
Doctors have told me since the very beginning of my diagnosis that my disease is incurable and terminal. Yet, almost 5 years on my current medication has encouraged my, perhaps fanciful, belief that somehow, just maybe, I can escape what…
Mother’s Day 2019 – How My Mom Balances Me
Four years ago I wrote a Letter to my Mom. I cried as I wrote it, unsure how many more opportunities I’d have to share my love and appreciation for her on Mother’s Day. I still don’t know how many…
CEA Snakes & Sticks
Three days after my last scan, I went in for my monthly labs. I wasn’t worried because my scan had come back unchanged from previous months and I thought I was in the clear for another 12 week interval. Of…
